Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
