A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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