No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
