my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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