My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize