just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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