my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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