the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
