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• (269): View more from Michigan

  did you hook up austin?

  (248): View more from Michigan

  No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  god. i hate danny gokey.

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.

  (614): View more from Ohio

  he's mormon right? lame.

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....

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• (917): View more from New York City

  I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.

  (917): View more from New York City

  Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking

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• (763): View more from Minnesota

  I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.

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• (915): View more from Texas

  My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.

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• (339): View more from Massachusetts

  It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar

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• (516): View more from New York

  People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present

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• (415): View more from California

  I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard

  (647): View more from Ontario

  I meant his actual lizard not his manhood

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.

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• (801): View more from Utah

  She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night

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