its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
it was like eating out sand paper
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
