I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
