Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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