We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
