you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
