i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We had to coat check the pizza.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
