First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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