I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
