why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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