some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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