my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
