So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
