Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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