who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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