It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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