tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
