you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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