I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize