I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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