Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
FUCK WHALES
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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