Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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