Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
