what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
