Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
