I hate your face
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize