No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
