I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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