Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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