I'm passing your future prison.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
