My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
