you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
