Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
