I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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