you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
