Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
if only i could text you this smell
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
