You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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