one might say we're banned from that church
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
