For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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