hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
