Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
