It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
