Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
