tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
