so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I had to cum in my sink.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
