he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
