her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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