So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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