I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Everything about him screamed your future.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
