Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
