dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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