how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I pour the whiskey from now on
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
