Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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