One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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