all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
