Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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