I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
