allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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