I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
