We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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