ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
