Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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